Letting go sounds gentle until you actually try it. In my own shamanic practice I have learned that release is rarely about giving something up and mostly about making room — clearing the space that renewal needs in order to arrive. We hold on to control, to old roles, to grudges against ourselves, to relationships that drain us, because holding on feels like safety. It is not. It is what keeps the next chapter from starting.
What follows are eight truths about how to let go, drawn from my own path rather than from theory. Each comes with a short reflection and a simple shamanic practice you can actually do. Take them slowly. You do not have to release everything at once — you only have to stop tightening your grip.
1. Release the Need for Control
“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.” – Sonia Ricotti
Trying to control every outcome disrupts the flow of energy and breeds internal resistance. Letting go of control means trusting that some things are simply beyond your hands. One of my teachers taught me that the doorway to this trust is compassion — first for yourself, then for the situation, then for everyone else in it. Compassion here does not mean loving everyone; it means accepting things exactly as they are. When you stop trying to alter everything around you, you can finally see it clearly, and only then does real release become possible.
Shamanic practice: Sit in a grounding meditation, picturing yourself as a tree rooted deep in the Earth. Feel how solid you are without needing to control the weather — and let yourself sway with the wind of life’s changes.
2. Let Go of Past Identities
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
Shamanic wisdom mirrors the natural cycles: life moves like the seasons. Someone who clings to an old identity — “the caretaker,” “the strong one,” “the achiever” — can end up trapped by it, unable to express who they are becoming. Each change is a shedding, like a tree releasing its leaves in autumn to make room for new growth. A new strength, skill, or role can only arrive once you have made space for it by releasing the one that has outlived its season.
Shamanic practice: Write down the old identities or beliefs that no longer serve you, then safely burn the paper, watching those aspects rise and release as smoke, clearing ground for what comes next.
3. Forgive Your Own Missteps
“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.” – Maya Angelou
Shamanic teaching treats each mistake as a teacher rather than a verdict. Self-forgiveness dissolves the weight of regret and lets healing in. When an old misstep still has its hooks in you, sit with a few honest questions:
- What lesson is this experience offering me? Every mistake holds wisdom once you name it.
- How has this changed or strengthened me? Hard experiences often reveal resilience you did not know you had.
- What belief about my own worth has this surfaced? Our reactions to failure expose old stories that are ready to be rewritten.
- How could this experience help me support someone else? Pain, metabolised, becomes empathy.
The Hawaiian practice of Hoʻoponopono pairs beautifully with this work. It is a reconciliation and forgiveness ritual belonging to Hawaiian tradition — I offer it here with respect for its origins — built on four short phrases: “I’m sorry” acknowledges the harm, “please forgive me” signals a willingness to change, “thank you” turns regret into gratitude for the lesson, and “I love you” seals the intention to heal. Repeated slowly, it dissolves the emotional charge the past still carries.
Shamanic practice: Hold a stone and ask it to absorb the guilt or shame you have been carrying. Then place it somewhere in nature, releasing it as a physical act of forgiveness.
4. Free Yourself From What You Cannot Change
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl
A great deal of suffering comes from confusing what we can change with what we cannot. We may not control a situation, but we can always transform our response to it. As one of my teachers put it bluntly: “If you cannot change it, let it go.” To tell the difference quickly, ask yourself:
- Assess the facts. Is there a clear action that would directly change the outcome? If not, it may be beyond your control.
- Check your influence. Does this depend on another person or an event unfolding on its own, regardless of what you do?
- Choose acceptance or action. If action has a realistic chance of changing things, take it. If not, let it go and turn your attention to your inner response.
Shamanic practice: Try a release breath. Inhale while holding the thought of something you cannot change; as you exhale, feel your grip loosen, shifting from control toward acceptance.
5. Let Go of the Fantasy of Perfection
“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.” – Vince Lombardi
The path is sacred even when it feels imperfect. Chasing perfection keeps you in permanent dissatisfaction; engaging fully with each imperfect step is where real progress lives. My own shamanic path has been anything but linear. There were long stretches where I felt lost, frustrated, and certain I was making no progress — I even parted ways with my very first teacher. In hindsight, those were not detours. They were the sacred steps. Growth did not happen despite the messiness; it happened because of it.
Shamanic practice: Spend a day doing something you enjoy with no expectation of perfection — make art, journal, or practise a skill — and let it be exactly as imperfect as it is.
6. Step Into the Unfamiliar
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” – Alan Watts
Growth asks us to leave the familiar, and the familiar does not let go easily. Before I left my corporate job, I knew there was more waiting for me beyond the safe and known — and I was afraid of it. A teaching from one of my guides carried me through: “The path of transformation always begins where the comfortable ends.” When I finally took the step, the fear did not vanish, but it slowly turned into something closer to excitement. Discomfort, I learned, is not a sign of failure. It is an invitation to evolve.
Shamanic practice: Walk into a stretch of nature you have never explored. Let the unfamiliar landscape remind your body that new perspectives only come from openness.
7. Keep the Relationships That Honour Your Spirit
“Surround yourself with people who make you a better person.”
Energy flows between people, and relationships are strongest when they lift you rather than drain you. The ones that nourish your spirit deserve tending; the ones that consistently deplete you may need firmer boundaries, or a gentle ending. A few honest questions bring clarity:
- Do I leave this person feeling energised or exhausted?
- Is the exchange balanced, or am I always giving more than I receive?
- Does this relationship help me grow, or keep me in old patterns?
- Can I be my authentic self here, or do I shrink to keep the peace?
- Does time with this person bring me more calm, or more chaos?
Shamanic practice: Reflect on your closest relationships and notice who genuinely uplifts you. Honour those connections — and where needed, set a loving boundary with the ones that do not support your path.
8. Close Old Chapters With Gratitude
“Gratitude for the present moment and the fullness of life now is the true prosperity.” – Eckhart Tolle
Life is a circle of beginnings and endings, and every chapter served a purpose. Closing one with gratitude — even a painful one — honours what it gave you and clears the way for new blessings to enter. A practice I still use in coaching: list the things, beliefs, or habits holding you back from your next chapter, and beside each one write why you no longer need it and what releasing it will make room for. Naming them is the first act of letting them go.
Shamanic practice: Write down the memories and lessons from a chapter that is ending and place them on a small cloth or in a special box as a gratitude altar, honouring the journey as you turn toward the next phase.
A Shamanic Ritual for Release and Renewal
To weave these truths together, try a simple ritual. Light a candle and speak aloud what you are releasing. One by one, visualise each burden — the control, the old identity, the regret, the unchangeable, the perfectionism, the fear of change, the draining tie, the unfinished chapter — lifting from your body and mind and returning to the Earth. Then sit in silence and let the lightness settle, feeling the openness you have just created for something new to arrive.
How to Let Go: Questions People Actually Ask
Why is letting go so hard?
Because holding on feels like safety, even when it is costing you. We cling to control, roles, and old hurts to avoid the uncertainty of what comes next. Letting go is hard precisely because it asks you to trust the empty space before anything new has arrived to fill it.
How do I let go of something spiritually?
Combine an inner shift with an outer act. First accept what is, rather than fighting it; then mark the release physically — burning a written list, releasing a stone into nature, or breathing the burden out. Ritual gives the psyche a concrete signal that something has genuinely been set down.
What is a shamanic releasing ritual?
It is a deliberate, symbolic act — with candle, breath, fire, stone, or written word — that externalises what you are ready to release and returns it to the Earth. The power is not in the objects but in the clear intention and the embodied gesture of letting go.
If these truths speak to you, go deeper with a shamanic journey to meet what is ready to be released, explore shadow work for the parts that resist letting go, or read about soul retrieval when what you most need is not to release something but to call a lost part of yourself back home.
