I Stopped Making Myself Small. Here Is How Shamanism Helped Me Reclaim the Feminine

Throughout my career I have met the same scene more times than I can count: older men presuming authority over my choices, implying I was not ready, not good enough, or that my real role was to serve their objectives. In one vivid shamanic journey at a retreat, that recurring theme crystallised painfully — I saw a man I had once worked with who genuinely believed my purpose was to serve him. It was not an isolated moment. It was the tip of something that had surfaced again and again across my life.

This is not a history lecture, though the history matters. It is about how I used shamanic soul retrieval and ancestral healing to uproot my own beliefs about men, leadership and worth — and how reclaiming feminine power turned out to be less about fighting the world and more about stopping the ways I made myself small inside it. If you recognise the pattern of shrinking to feel safe, this is written for you.

The Belief That I Was Meant to Follow

From a young age, the patriarchal message was quiet but constant: follow, do not lead. It never matched what I felt was actually mine to do. Recently, talking with a close friend, we made a plain decision — we no longer have room in our lives for older men telling us what to do. Saying it out loud was its own kind of soul retrieval. It marked a moment of reclaiming agency and drawing a boundary more clearly than I had before.

I want to be careful here, because this is easy to misread. Reclaiming the feminine is not a campaign against men. It is the refusal to keep handing away my own authority — and, honestly, the harder work was almost always internal.

The Roots Run Old

It helps to know that these patterns are ancient rather than personal failings. The rise of patriarchal systems is often traced to the shift from hunter-gatherer life to settled, agrarian societies, where property and the control of resources gradually concentrated in male hands — a departure from the more egalitarian arrangements common in many earlier communities, where women frequently held real influence. Classical Greece and Rome then codified male dominance in law; major religious and colonial institutions carried those norms across the world, often overwriting local matrilineal or more balanced traditions along the way.

I mention this not to assign blame but to make a point that matters for healing: what feels like a personal inadequacy — the reflex to shrink, to defer, to doubt your own leadership — is very often an inherited pattern, carried down through generations. And inherited patterns can be worked with. That is precisely where shamanism has something to offer.

How Shamanic Soul Retrieval Works With These Wounds

Shamanism is one of the oldest healing paths we have, and soul retrieval is one of its core practices. In shamanic understanding, when we meet trauma, stress or loss, a part of the soul can withdraw — literally stepping back from a situation it could not bear. Soul retrieval is the journey of recovering those parts and bringing their energy and vitality back into the present.

In my own practice I have journeyed back to connect with my ancestors and seen how women across my lineage lost energy and pieces of themselves under oppressive structures and personal wounds. Retrieving those parts did not only steady me; it seemed to ease something further back — inherited feelings like anger, passed quietly down the line, beginning to loosen. I offer that as my own experience, not a promise of outcome. What I can say plainly is what shifted in me.

• From “I have to comply” to “I can do it my way.”
• From “I am not worthy of being paid as much as men” to “I deserve equal pay.”
• From seeing myself as someone who must learn from men, to recognising myself as a teacher and a leader.

If you are new to this way of working, the beginner’s guide to shamanic journeying is a grounded place to start, and you can read more about the practice itself in this guide to soul retrieval and reclaiming wholeness. Shamanic work is not a substitute for medical or psychological care.

Safety Is Not in Being Small

Here is the truth this work kept returning me to. As women, so many of us learned to feel safe by making ourselves smaller — shrinking, deferring, even making deliberate mistakes so as not to threaten anyone. I have done it countless times, and each time I believed it would keep me safe. It never did. We are not safe when we make ourselves small. We become safe by stepping into our power, not away from it.

This is not only women’s work. Many men verbally support equality while their actions lag behind, and shamanic practice offers them a way to reflect honestly on the gap and to give women the same space and respect they reserve for themselves. Healing the feminine and healing the masculine are the same movement seen from two sides.

Reflective Questions to Begin

These questions are an entry point for the kind of introspection that soul retrieval and ancestral healing then take deeper. Sit with whichever ones catch.

For women:

• Where might you be unconsciously handing power to men, at work or at home?
• Do sadness or anger rise around your work, recognition or pay — and what do you sense is beneath them?
• Do you feel genuinely valued for your thoughts, beyond surface acknowledgement?
• How often do you modify your behaviour to accommodate men — and what does that cost your sense of self?

For men:

• Where do you resist giving women the same opportunities and recognition you extend to yourself and other men?
• Are you genuinely open to learning from women as leaders and experts? If not, why not?
• Where do your actions and your stated views on equality quietly diverge?

Reclaiming Feminine Power: Questions People Ask

What does it mean to reclaim feminine power?

Reclaiming feminine power means stopping the ways you hand away your own authority — shrinking, deferring, doubting your leadership — and stepping back into it. In shamanic terms it often involves recovering parts of yourself that withdrew under pressure, so your full energy and voice are available in the present.

How can shamanism help with healing the feminine?

Shamanic practices such as soul retrieval and ancestral healing work directly with the wounds and inherited patterns that keep women small. By retrieving lost soul parts and tending the lineage, many people find that limiting beliefs about worth and leadership begin to loosen — not as a quick fix, but as steady inner change.

Is reclaiming the feminine anti-men?

No. It is not a campaign against men but a refusal to keep giving away your own power. Men have their own part in this work — reflecting honestly on where actions and stated values diverge, and offering women the same space they give themselves. Healing the feminine and the masculine is one movement.

What is ancestral healing?

Ancestral healing is shamanic work that addresses patterns carried down a family line — inherited grief, anger or ways of shrinking that are not originally yours. By journeying to connect with ancestors and tending what was lost, it becomes possible to ease a wound not only for yourself but, potentially, for those who come after you.

If we heal our past, we make room for a healed future. When you are ready to explore this work more deeply, you can learn about shamanic soul retrieval and how it supports the return to wholeness.